Parenthood isn’t a stage you step onto when it’s convenient, it’s a role that demands your presence, not just your name.

You can’t skip the hard parts of parenting, expect VIP access to your child’s life, and then play the victim when you’re not welcomed with open arms. Being a parent is a role you show up for…consistently, not just a title you claim

I’m Belle, a single mom of two amazing kids, and today I’m opening up about my journey.

It’s a story of love, heartbreak, strength, and ultimately, walking away to find peace for my children.

Imagine being with someone who you thought to be the one who will protect you but ended up hurting you? 

I’ve lived through a lot of ups and downs in my life, and I’ve learned that sometimes the hardest battles we fight are the ones that nobody sees. Today, I want to share my story with you. My story of love, heartbreak, strength, and the lessons that came from a marriage that nearly broke me.

I was married to my college best friend. He was sweet, caring at first, not just to me, but to everyone, especially other women. He was charming, good with words, and I honestly thought I had found the right one. He made me feel seen, loved, and understood. But, as life often shows us, things aren’t always as perfect as they seem on the outside.

During those times, I had felt that something was off because at time, he was so boastful, too proud. But of course I didn’t listen to my instinct, I still consider and understood him.

When I got pregnant with my first child, everything started to change. It’s like a switch flipped. He didn’t want me to keep the baby, not at first. And in those early months of pregnancy, he was begging me not to continue with our baby but later on he finally accepted our child because he didn’t want to have that bad image. Most of the times,I covered up for him, didn’t let people see the cracks in our relationship because I didn’t want anyone to think badly of him. But the truth is, he was emotionally distant I realized that too late. I was carrying the weight of our life on my own shoulders.

I worked night shifts while being pregnant to make ends meet, working my butt off while he played games on his computer, living like he has overflowing money but none at all. And sure, he’d cook sometimes, clean a little here and there, but the truth was, I was doing it all and the one providing. I was tired. I was stressed. And after I gave birth, it got worse. The expenses were all on me. I’m thankful that family helped, his mom helped a bit, but he didn’t step up to take responsibility. Did I forced him? No. I let him live his life because I don’t want to face his aggression especially that I have just given birth. 

As time goes by, it feels heavier being with him, every time he apologized, I forgave him. Every time he promised to do better, I believed him. I kept going because I didn’t want to have a broken family, I don’t want my daughter back then to grow up without their dad. And maybe he will change right? I didn’t want people to judge him. So I stayed. Even though the cracks were getting bigger and bigger. Without me realizing, I was also losing myself, my worth because he became my priority. 

But then something happened that I will never forget. Imagine giving birth and getting stressed at the same time. He nearly hurt our daughter, my precious baby girl, because she just wanted to be carried. He grabbed her aggressively, and almost hit her head on the wall. It was right after I had given birth to our son and we were at the hospital. I had just gone through a C-section, but I went out having a hard time walking, looking for him, worried about my daughter and there he was in front of the lift, acting like it was nothing, carrying our daughter like nothing happened. My family got really upset because of his actions and what made me more stressed is that he was telling us that he has enough to pay for the bills, but ended up, me and my family paying for it again. He was a liar. 

That moment shattered me because my family had seen the real him. The one that I have been keeping all these years because I don’t want them to judge him. And even though I was scared, even though I was heartbroken, I kept telling myself that maybe he would change. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t about change anymore. Now, it was about survival.

I kept trying to hold it together. I kept telling myself that for the sake of my kids, I had to keep going. But every day, I was breaking more and more inside. I’d cry in silence. I’d pray that things would get better, that things would change, but they didn’t.

I told him I couldn’t do it anymore. I was at my breaking point, and his response?

“Then go. End yourself. Leave us.” He was telling me a lot of hurtful words that sometimes I questioned myself if am I really the problem.

But the thing is, I didn’t leave right away. And I didn’t end the marriage as soon as I knew I should have because he used something against me: guilt. He made me believe that if I told anyone what was really happening… if I spoke out, he’d make it my fault. He is blaming me. He told me that if something happened to his mom because of me telling about him, it would be because of me. He blamed me for his anger and his inability to take responsibility for his life. 

I kept thinking. I tried. I tried so hard to help him. I tried to support him in finding a job, to be in a better place in life. But somehow, it always came back to me. He was borrowing money from others, from our family, and it ended up being me who paid most of it. That was really embarrassing. 

All while he sat using my computer because he broke his laptop, doing nothing just playing which I hope he just spent time with our children. But I don’t want to call him out anymore because he will be in rage, he will get mad and be aggressive not only to me, but to our children. I was working while taking care of our children while he… enjoyed his games. Then he will tell me that he will earn in playing, that I should just wait. So it’s been years and yes, I still waited for him to step up and I was trapped in a cycle of guilt, manipulation, and promises that never came true.

Even spending time with the children and take care of them, we still beg for it. It hurts to see my children, begging for time from him and he gets mad because he gets distracted from his gaming.

All I was asking for him is not to hurt our children… to spend time with them and protect them…

But one day, just couldn’t do it anymore. I had to end everything to protect my kids. I stop living in fear.

It took me years… before having that courage to walk away. Because I was scared that he might do something to himself like what he always tell me, blaming me for the things that in the first place, it was his own doing. That if something happens to his Mom because of me asking for help, it will be my fault.

I was emotionally, mentally and financially drained but what matters now is my children.

I chose to walk away. It was the hardest decision of my life, but it was also the best decision I ever made most importantly for my children. I don’t want them to grow up living in a toxic and traumatic environment. I don’t want them to grow up seeing and feeling that being with someone who hurt them is normal. I want them to live a happy and normal life.

When I left, he was giving me all this drama and said that he realized how cruel and aggressive he was, it was because of me and how I treated him. Not surprise that he still blames me.

Did I tell someone? I told my family and his family after few weeks. Some of his family “friends” also said, why didn’t I forgive him? Why didn’t I just gave up like that. Even after I explained how monstrous he was behind closed doors, of course they will not believe that because they weren’t there. They were not the one who experienced it and his “gentleman image” will always be embedded in their minds.

After the separation, I still gave him a chance to at least be a good father and man up to be responsible, and there he was telling me that I am brainwashing my kids and it’s my responsibility as a Mom to forgive him, when in fact all he did was to push them away, hurt them, shout at them and left a trauma and until now the kids still do remember those. He had a lot of chances to change and be a better father but he just hurt us more. He keeps telling me that he will change so he can be a better father and partner, but you know what? Same old, same statement and I even caught him flirting online with someone just few weeks after the separation and showing off how “rich” he was.

He was supposed to protect my children, but he was the one hurting them…

So I just totally cut everything between us. What matters to me are my children, their healing, and peace. I may have failed because I chose the wrong father for them who can’t even be responsible enough.

Looking back now, it’s a relief to be free of that darkness. To be out of that space where every day was filled with fear and uncertainty. I spent so many days scared, scared for my children, scared for their safety. Wondering what the next outburst would be, what the next lie would be, and whether I would be strong enough to survive it. 

If you’re also wondering if my children are looking for him? No, they’re not, and they don’t want him around because they said that their father always shouts, hit and get mad at them. I asked them, is it okay if their father is not with us anymore and they said that, they’re scared of him especially when he’s mad.

It’s been more than 2 years and of course we never heard anything from their father anymore, though there was one instance where he used my daughter’s name to be relatable to those acquaintances we’ve known back then and that he has a new girlfriend. But other than that, none. He never check on the kids, never greeted them on their birthdays, never supported their daily needs, nothing,  and honestly I don’t want to be associated with whatever he is doing with his life anymore.

The kids are still healthier, happier and more at peace now. I am doing my best to provide their needs, wants and be both parents. I will make sure that they are protected, living their best life and be able to heal fully.

Sometimes, you can’t fix someone. And love isn’t enough. You can’t carry them. And, the bravest thing you can do is to walk away, no matter how hard it is. No matter how many times you’ve forgiven them or hoped things would change. Don’t settle for less.

Parenting is one of the most important and impactful roles a person can have, and being a good parent means showing up with love, patience, and consistency every single day. It’s not about being perfect, but about being present. Listening when your child speaks, guiding them with kindness, and setting healthy boundaries that help them feel safe and supported.

A good parent leads by example, teaching values like empathy, honesty, and resilience through their own actions. It’s also about nurturing a space where a child feels unconditionally loved, free to grow into their true self, and confident enough to face the world knowing they always have someone in their corner. You should be the one protecting them, not be the reason of their pain.